I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
