We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
