Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
