so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
