I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
