it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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