I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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