so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
