So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize