How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
