In the future we'll all be gay
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
