Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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