I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
