haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
