Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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