Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
