Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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