We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't EVER smell your tampon
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
