So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
