what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
