so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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