One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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