I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
