So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
