Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
