a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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