I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
