East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
