elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
