Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
