You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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