I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
