Your tits are I can't wait for
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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