Acid is not a monday night drug
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
