your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
