then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
