I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
