end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
