You work out of a Hotel?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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