The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
