I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
