Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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