Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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