my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
