My nipple is on Facebook.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
