just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
