I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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