You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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