watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
