I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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