I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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