come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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