when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
