I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
