Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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