Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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