Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
