babies were throwing up all over the place
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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