It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
