I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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