Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
