I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
