His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
