call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
